the shire is the worst show on television.

I grew up in the Sutherland Shire. I currently live in Wollongong, and I don’t regret leaving “The Shire” as it is known. It’s full of makeup-obsessed trashbags and nationalist, southern-cross-tattooed quasi-bogans (that’s a bogan that thinks they’re sophisticated due to self-delusion and higher-than-usual income). But I now find myself wanting to defend and console it, because its reputation just got worsened.

Tonight I watched The Shire, Network Ten’s new show about………… some terrible people living in the Sutherland Shire. Literally nothing else.

I’ve heard it’s supposed to be Australia’s answer to Jersey Shore. Well, I haven’t seen Jersey Shore, so I can’t comment on that, but what I have now seen is The Shire – and let me tell you, it is hands down the worst show I have ever watched in my entire life.

It’s a show without purpose – a cultural vacuum. During the entire show, I continued to wait for something vaguely interesting to maybe happen – but no. Just a bunch of idiots talking about surfing, botox and parties in Sylvania Waters mansions.

The one person who had potential to actually be interesting was a girl who was introduced at the airport, having just returned from overseas. But no, she was as vapid as any of them, only being a traveller because of her Dad’s credit cards.

By far the worst part of the show was this beautician who was using some kind of device on a girl’s legs.

“You hear that popping sound? That’s your fat cells melting.”
I shit you not, this is an actual quote.

Two slappers are talking about one of the girl’s lips. She’s had so much botox her top lip is nearly touching her nose. And she wants more.

Suddenly, a wild party appears. People are jumping in a pool and dancing to bad music. A guy is hitting on a girl, and his ex-girlfriend sees it.

Don’t care.

I can’t get my mind around this show. Nothing happened in it. Nobody was even slightly worthy of watching. I can’t even see how people could view this as a guilty pleasure. There is no pleasure about it.

I don’t know if it would be better or worse if the whole thing wasn’t completely fake; but as it is, it’s not only full of slappers and idiots, not only full of itself… it’s also full of shit!

I surely feel lesser for having seen this show. It’s a cliche, but I really think this mindless garbage started to rot my brain. This needs to be axed. Now. Channel Ten should feel utterly ashamed of its current crop of shows, with this one being the final straw.

And I thought Couch Time on Channel 11 was bad.

The only entertaining thing about this whole ordeal has been the comments and tweets I have seen tonight. I leave you with them.